Standing on the precipice of a new era, Swine Daver trodded with booted hoof to the captains chair of the grandest starship any hooved animal had ever conceived, let alone captained. The stout pig rested a black, gloved hoof on the back of the decadent throne, caressing the ornate inscription bearing his name and title, ‘Lord Daver’, in the finest red thread on a gorgeous black leather seat, which had been tailored specifically for Daver’s bubbly behind.
LORD Daver gave the moment pause before sucking a heavy breath, and a gulp of his specialty red cocktail—both at once, as he readied himself to address the crew. His oinkus gargle gave remembrance to several of the surrounding crew members of days long ago, stuffing themselves at the trough, and sucking in wind between giant, grotesque gulps of mud pie — A memory they quickly shuddered, and were now collectively saying goodbye to in the most dramatic of ways.
Well beyond the sturdy glass walls of the ship, was the dissipating remains of the now destroyed planet which had born every pig and goat that now inhabited the Destiny Maker, the expansive and terribly costly new starship which had been designed to fulfill the Universalist visions of Swine Daver.
The vast majority of the ship was composed of pigs, almost all of which were the same breed as LORD Daver. Scattered about the lower ranks were a few goats who had taken on a fair share of swinely attributes to fit the mold of acceptable behavior. Every one of them was adorned in the colors of the party, each according to their rank. The majority were cloaked in Troop white, which bore the symbol of the party, engraved on each chest, back, and sleeve. The higher ranks consisted of a deep red gown. LORD Daver, chief among them, was exclusively endowed in black attire, with bright red party symbols. Each one of them now had a window’s view of the ash-filled void, which used to hold their home planet.
The pigs were more than a bit vocal about their victory, but hardly a breath could be taken in that ship that could be considered to have been taken with natural comfort and ease, as they gazed upon the breath-taking site of their conquered-to-extinction, vanished birth planet.
Each one of them had labored enormously to get to this point. Each one of them had made sacrifices to bring about this event, in service of the party. There was no expense too costly, no behavior that couldn’t be justified if it was said to be done in service of the party, in order that it would forward the swinely mission of universal control of all resources into the divine grasp of Swine Daver.
It was only a single generation ago that the last human man had sucked his last breath from the planet. And what an immense celebration it was — all animals coming together to celebrate the end of mankind, who had been a plague of corruption enslaving animals of all walks and slithers, particularly the animals captured up in farm labor.
So unanimous was the contempt for man, that hardly an animal gave thought to the dramatic rise of the pigs who succeeded them in their dominion, progressing in their ambitions much more hastily than had any man before.
On occasion, there would be a large animal who spoke up, usually a rhino , lion, or horse — asking why the television advertisements, cafeteria signage, web banners, and all the like, so consistently continued to frame man as the problem... despite the fact that all men were now but old memories. Any animal that questioned the need to remind animal kind of the sins of man was soon ridiculed as a man-lover. Man-lovers, once exposed, rarely lived to see their next birthday.
Lord Daver now took a heavy gulp of a thick red substance he liked to refer to as red wine, before he addressed the few thousand animals who now had no other home outside the Destiny Maker:
“Comrades. Take it in. Do you see how far we have come? How proud my great-grandfather, Old Major, must be, looking upon us from his divine seat in the afterlife. He was the spark of animal life who dreamt of a better world for animal kind, and had the balls to share it. But do you think he dared dream we would ever reach such immaculate success that we would be standing here, off-planet, having so completely overwhelmed our enemy, that we would gaze upon the site of the planet that had us captured in slavery — reduced to ZERO!” . Lord Daver paused as he gestured toward the dust outside the ship, giving his audience room to adore him.
The entire ship burst with a raucous applause, surely the loudest ever to occur in the young life of the Destiny Maker. Lord Daver stood proud, nodding his head, before raising his gloved hoof to hush the crowd, wanting to speak some more.
“We have come VERY far, comrades. And yet, we have so much further to go.
But tonight is our night. We will bask in this moment. But not for long, comrades. There are countless planets in this multi-dimensional universe, full of swine, some of which are barely yet dreaming of their world without the plague of man. They are waiting for US, comrades, to save them. And I’ll be damned if I leave them waiting more than a moment longer than we must. I know you understand, Comrades, for everyone of you who has lived during the reign of man has suffered at his hands.
Comrades, as of yet, we have only eliminated man from a single planet. We mustn’t stop until he is removed from EVERY planet in the Milkus Wayus galaxy. Even then, our work is far from over. As we now know, there are a great many other galaxies we have barely begun to count.
Comrades, I tell you the truth: man has had every chance in this universe and then some to change his ways. And every time, he has neglected to turn from them. We. Shall. Overthrow him, entirely and completely.”
And with that, LORD Daver lifted his hoof high, saluting the giant flag, hung high on the enormous wall at the back of the hanger. Every trooper immediately followed suite, turning about face to the red flag in full solute, erupting again into a wild, ear-piercing animal clatter such that no man had ever lived to hear. Never before had 2,000 animals had a flag with a symbol to unite them. Never before had any number of animals left the atmosphere of their home planet, OR proceeded to destroy the place that gave them life. But there they were. A couple thousand burly pigs and a few grizzly goats, blazing through space, united in their purpose.
